my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
