I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
