the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
