there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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