guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
