I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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