Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
