BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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