Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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