you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
