Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
