Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
