She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
