So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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