Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
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So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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