I have demons in me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
