Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
