I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
