I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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