Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
