yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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