there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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