Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
