I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
