White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
