can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
