Screwed.edu
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
