I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
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you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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