woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
