She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
