Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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