he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
