Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
