He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
