we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
