Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
