I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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