we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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