never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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