why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
