i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
