is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
