a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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