So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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