I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
