Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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