my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
