I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
