I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize