even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
