Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
