hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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