its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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