I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
