I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
