He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
