The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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