There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
