Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
