So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
