i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
