what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
