fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize