I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
