Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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