Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
