ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
