all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dick very happy bro
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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