I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
