i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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