i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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